


i don't want to be a burden (please don't strain yourself on my behalf)

by jaggedwolf



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaggedwolf/pseuds/jaggedwolf
Summary: The Iron Witch takes a little longer to collect on her deal, and Nicole is left to live with the consequences.(Or: Nicole has several uncomfortable conversations after being cured. None of them are with her girlfriend.)Canon-compliant up till the last scene of 2x10.





	i don't want to be a burden (please don't strain yourself on my behalf)

 

When Nicole opened her eyes and felt a surge of unexpected strength run through her body, her first thought was that she died. Better an actual demon doing her in than a dickhead Earp sister, she supposed.

She blinked until her vision cleared up to reveal the hospital room. Not dead, then. Remembering, she grabbed her wrist to look at it, letting out a hiss at the contact.

“Nicole?”

The last voice she had expected to hear was Shae’s, but sure enough, there she was sitting at her bedside. Shae’d had a haircut since she last saw her, Nicole dimly realised, but it was impossible not to recognize her.

“Wha-what’re you doing here?” Her voice is hoarse, and the question instinctive.

“Making sure you don’t die again, apparently, ” Shae replied, with a familiar eyebrow raise. “Waverly went to get the doctor when you started to wake up, by the way.”

Having her unspoken question answered eased the tension in Nicole’s body a little, but then she realised the implication. Waverly’s met Shae. Waverly probably knew Shae was her wife. Waverly was never going t-

Her panic must be evident on her face, because Shae took pity on her and kept talking.

“Yes, she knows. Worry about that later.”

There was a stern look on Shae’s face that made Nicole groan in recognition. “C'mon dude, can’t you chew me out when I’m not in a hospital bed?”

Shae pretended to look thoughtful for a second before shaking her head, and simply said, “No.”

“Waverly,” Shae began in a terrifyingly calm voice, and Nicole already had a bad feeling about this. “doesn’t know your allergies. Does anyone in this town?”

“No,” Nicole admitted, “but I filled them out on the -”

“Which would be fine if Waverly knew she didn’t know them. ” Shae interrupted, scooting her chair closer to the bed. She reached to the side of it, confusing Nicole until Shae’s hands came away with what looked like a medical chart. “Does she know about your DNR order?”

“…….No, but I told her sister?” defended Nicole reluctantly. Why did she have to marry a doctor? Why couldn’t she have married a woman with a different career, or someone who didn’t have a similar sense of professional responsibility as her?

Right. If she had, she probably wouldn’t be still married to that woman, regardless of the parental issues.  

“Why do I get the feeling that means you told her right before the doctors induced a coma, and not say, in a calm situation?” Shae was flipping through the medical chart, only looking up at Nicole at the end of her question.

“…” Nicole tried to think of the last time she even spoke to Wynonna in a calm situation. Maybe when Waverly had asked her to look after her, but then that turned into the Pussy Willows situation and firing her backup gun. Her earlier surge of strength seemed to be ebbing, and she let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m also still your next-of-kin. ” Shae finished flatly.

“Shae, I told you, if that’s an inconvenience I can remove you,” Nicole snapped. It wasn’t like she was trying to drag her into this mess. To her disgruntlement, Shae merely smiled at that.

“Oh no, _Officer_ Haught, don’t turn this around on me. Knowing you, you’d have just left the form empty. ” sighed Shae. She attached the chart back to the bed. Nicole shifted uncomfortably, knowing that Shae wasn’t wrong.

“I had a case that was keeping me busy, I would’ve gotten around to it eventually, _Doctor_ Haught.“

“Like you got around to telling us about that shoulder sprain, but only after we sent that V3?” Shae shook her head, and Nicole winced at the memory. Shit. Bringing that up meant that Shae must be pissed.

Suddenly, Shae slumped further back into her seat and sighed, kneading her temples with her fingertips. She must have been been at the hospital for a while,  and that combined with the drive to Purgatory would be enough to tire out anyone.

“Hey, if you have to head back that’s good with me. I’m all better now, see?” offered Nicole, raising her bitten arm and waving it. Shae glared at her in response.

“You think that’s what I- you know what, never mind.” Shae’s voice was harsh and exhausted. “This is the second time this town has put you in the hospital, and I know you too well to think that that means anything other than you running full speed ahead into something important.“

“You’re right, “ Nicole sighed, grateful that she knew Shae wouldn’t push to know more.

“Of course I am.” Shae flashed a familiar smirk. “You need to take care of yourself, Nicole.”

Nicole looked away at that. She was taking care of herself. She was exercising, she was eating healthy (a miracle in Purgatory), and her most recent marksmanship scores were excellent.

She also knew that wasn’t what Shae meant.

“I’ve been sitting in this hospital room for most of today, and I feel like I’ve met the whole town with how many people came to check up on you.” Shae stood up at that, brushing her dress down as she did so. “It’s fine if you don’t trust any of them as your next-of-kin, but at least consider telling them the important things, hmm?”

Nicole nodded at that, silently wondering who had visited her other than Wynonna and Waverly. Nedley, she assumed, but she couldn’t think of anyone else.

“Now that’s settled, I’m going to go see what’s taking your girlfriend so long.” Shae headed for the doorway.

“Hey, aren’t you going to say you’re happy that I’ve recovered?” Nicole pointed out.

Shae rolled her eyes at that. “You know I am.”

Nicole grinned at that - Shae was never one for unnecessary words, but it was always fun to cajole her. She did have one last question.

“Did you tell Waverly - “

“About my last name? No,” Shay laughed. “Bringing up Britney Live to ease the tension was one thing, bringing up that mess with my dad is another.“

With that, Shae left the room, leaving Nicole alone to her thoughts. She should probably be marveling that she was alive, but instead she’d skipped ahead to feeling a knot grow in the pit of her stomach at the thought of Waverly. She’d messed it up terribly, not even resolving the mess with the DNA results before springing “Hey, I’ve got a secret wife!” on the other woman.

Waverly was going to have a lot of questions, and Nicole would have to answer them.

* * *

Not 20 minutes later, it was Nicole who was left with the questions, and Waverly (and Wynonna) who had run off with the answers.

Nicole was so very tired. Yet she couldn’t stop herself from noticing the evidence and drawing conclusions from it.

Evidence #1: Wynonna was holding a vial of liquid that definitely looked supernatural, and had swaggered into the room like it was one of her big damn hero moments. As great of a hugger Wynonna was, Nicole didn’t think that was what Wynonna was proud of.

Evidence #2: Wynonna looked surprised to see Nicole healthy, which was weird because Wynonna should have been the first person Waverly told. Wynonna was the first person Waverly told about most uncomplicated things, and Nicole liked to think her not dying was relatively uncomplicated.

Evidence #3: Wynonna’s words. She’d barely kept up with it as it was happening, but alone she found herself doing nothing other than mulling over the fragments she remembered - “It’s something”, “What did you do”.

Evidence #4: The look of pure guilt on Waverly’s face.

Conclusion? Waverly had done something to save Nicole’s life, and whatever it was had to be pretty bad if Wynonna was upset - Wynonna, who had given away her magical gun in hopes of saving her sister’s “kind of” girlfriend.

Nicole felt sick.

Not as sick as she felt when Dolls came by and explained what, exactly, Waverly had given up in exchange for her life, and what the widows planned to do with it. He had been supernaturally calm as he did so, not even the tension he displayed in his first few months present, but had also been surprisingly precise about the consequences.

The demon Clootie resurrected. The demon Clootie who was responsible for the Earp curse in the first place. The demon Clootie that was so powerful, two of his sister-wives were the creepy widows that killed Juan Carlos and the third was a witch that both blessed and cursed Doc.

Him alive for her alive. Tit for tat.

Bile rose up in her throat, and the only reason she didn’t throw up in a trash can after Dolls left was that she was sure that mean they’d put the IV back in her, and she needed to stay mobile. Dolls had told her Nedley was in the hospital too and she needed to find him, needed to talk to him, needed to -

Needed to do anything other than consider the price of her life.

Dolls had mentioned the room number Nedley was staying at. It turned out Nicole had been the most interesting thing to happen to the hospital since the party, especially on a Saturday morning, and so it was relatively simple for her to walk through the poorly staffed hospital to the room. Really poorly staffed, she noted, given that no one had checked on her after the initial confirmation she was no longer dying. That was Purgatory for you. If your life wasn’t actively in danger, you were one of the more boring things in town.

She slipped into Nedley’s room quietly, realising too late that he might be sleeping. He wasn’t. What he was doing, to Nicole’s amusement, was holding his phone up to his ear between two bandaged hands and snapping into it.

“Chrissy, I’m fine. You know how these doctors exaggerate, I’ll be out of here by the end of tomorrow…what do you mean I can’t? My legs still work fine, so I’ll walk out of here if I ”

He paused for a while. Clearly Chrissy had a lot to say in response to that. Nicole realised his face was heavily bandaged as well, and it looked like at least three of his fingers were in splints.

“No, you’re not coming back, this is your first semester and - you don’t even have Officer Haught’s phone number! Don’t trouble her with this, “ he grumbled.

At the mention of her name, Nicole dropped her gaze to her phone, which she had instinctively grabbed earlier. She swiped to unlock it, noticing several unread texts. There were 3 from Chrissy.

_Hey Nicole! My dad sent me a picture of Calamity, and nothing else, so my guess is you landed in the hospital again. You’re going to, but you better pull through because Waverly has something ~special~ planned for your 9 months._

_Shit, don’t tell Waves I told you that, she swore me to secrecy. BTW, here’s the pic my dad sent._

Attached to that message was a picture of a very disgruntled Calamity sitting on her favourite box in the closet. Nicole let out a snort at that. For all Nedley claimed to hate Calamity, and that she hated him, he still had plenty of photos of the ginger cat.

The noise caught Nedley’s attention, and he shifted his gaze to Nicole, both bandaged hands and the phone comically still right at his ear.

Turning back to his phone, “Stay safe, Chrissy, I gotta go. One of my deputies decided to pay a visit.”

He moved his hands apart, letting the phone fall into the bed.  

“Haught.” He squinted at her, shifting the bandages on his face. At least three cuts on his jaw, one on his right temple, possibly two on his forehead. He looked impossibly old all of a sudden, and Nicole felt yet another pang of guilt.

“You got a damn good reason for being out of bed?” Nedley frowned at her. “I didn’t play at being a demon’s chew toy for you to trip on your face wandering around.”

“Uhh, “ Nicole fumbled, “Chrissy was worried, said I should make sure you didn’t finish the criminals’ job for them.”

Chrissy had sent a third text. Given the timestamp Nicole probably wasn’t even that far off, she rationalized.

“Fine, “ Nedley grumbled. “I didn’t know you and my daughter were gal pals.”

Nicole ignored her continued confusion at Nedley’s use of the phrase “gal pals” (Had he picked it up online somewhere? He’d used it when talking about Waverly too at some point... Why was she having a crisis over her boss’s colloquialisms?), and looked him over again, mentally cataloguing his injuries. His right eye was swollen. She had missed that, earlier. She shouldn’t have missed that.

“Sir, “ she began, “I wanted to apo-”

“If you say apologize I’m putting you on desk duty for twice as long as whatever the doctors say,” Nedley interrupted. “Being an officer doesn’t end when you make Sheriff. I’ve been dealing with the worst of Purgatory a lot longer than you, Nicole”

“Alright, sir.” Nicole said, pulling up a chair closer to the bed. Sitting down reminded her that she was still in a somewhat revealing hospital gown. She shifted uncomfortably in the seat, bare skin on cool, scratchy plastic.

Nedley squinted at her again, then eyed his phone. Nicole was sure if she left the room Nedley would be back to calling his daughter, making sure she wasn’t skipping class to come back down to Purgatory. As she searched around for something to say, her conversation with Shae came to mind. It made sense, really. That didn’t mean she had to like asking.

“Sir? You can tell me if this is totally out of line, but if you’re okay with it, I wanted t-”

“Spit it out, Haught.” Nedley said bemusedly.

She felt stupid, steeling herself for this, but she did so anyway. Her fingernails dug into her palms. “Would you mind if I put you down as my next-of-kin?”

“You divorcing your wife?” was not the response she had expected, but it was the one she got. Nedley’s frown is even deeper.

“Um, no, sir? There’s still some...legal stuff….It’s completely fine if you don’t want to, Shae still lives in Calgary so -” Nicole was rambling. She wasn’t a rambler, she was to the point, direct, and to be falling apart like this in front of the Sheriff was ridiculous.  She should have thought better than to leave her room while still drugged up.

“Sure,” Nedley said simply. He must have caught the look of surprise on her face, because he continued, shrugging, “I don’t know why you’re asking me and not your Earp. But you keep landing in here while on the job, makes paperwork easier for me.”

“Thank you, sir” she replied, breathing easily. He nodded gruffly. “Well then, while we’re stuck here why don’t you update me about that case of yours.”

She did, telling him about the Roosevelt letters she had found and omitting the visit from the Baron. She wasn’t even completely sure it was the Baron, and there was no reason to given Nedley a half-baked report. The conversation drifted to Chrissy’s first semester, Nedley complaining about her worrying after his health.

They were only stopped when a nurse came in, confused as to why Nicole was there. Nicole let herself be led back to her room. That was good. Talking to Nedley, someone who knew about the supernatural but kept his distance from it, someone who didn’t know about any seals or imminent apocalypses? That was a relief.

When she got into bed she reached for the remote, bringing the bed up so that she could sit up. Walking had taken more out of her than she’d liked to have admitted, but she wasn’t about to ruin her sleep schedule thanks to one shitty day. She needed to keep herself distracted till the end of the day, that was all, and it was 4pm. She could manage that.

She looked through all her phone notifications: the 3rd text from Chrissy filled with exclamation marks at Nicole’s recovery and the expected request to check on her dad, some Purgatory Sheriff Department alerts, a text from Shae saying she would check on Calamity and a message from Wynonna. The last returned that feeling of nausea to her.

_Don’t leave the hospital._

Nicole did not want to be thinking about that meant. She wanted to be thinking of Calamity Jane and whether Shae had checked up on her yet. She wanted to be thinking of Chrissy going to college late and still having a fantastic time. She wanted to be thinking of Waverly, brilliant Waverly and the look of glee across her face when she finagled a particularly tough translation, reassuring Waverly telling her she was a good cop, adorable Waverly who was miffed at her because she had drank a little too much at a strip joint.

Ruthless Waverly who would endanger a town and who knew what else to save Nicole’s life.

This time Nicole did throw up, grateful she could grab the trash can next to her bed in time. As expected, a nurse soon came in to check up on her, letting her know that they were going to put the IV back in to avoid dehydration. Nicole barely paid attention to her explanation, relishing the strange sense of relief at her empty stomach.

She wiped her mouth with the paper towels given to her, and unthinkingly followed the course of the IV to her arm with her eyes, all the way down to the bright blue scar on her wrist. It felt different than it had before, not merely no burning sensation, as prodding it with her other hand revealed, but no pain at all.

That was wrong. Scars should hurt.

A loud rapping of knuckles on her open room door broke Nicole’s attention away from her wrist, though as soon as she saw it was Wynonna, her gaze dropped back down to the scar. The nurse must have left. Nicole couldn’t imagine what Wynonna had to say to her. Waverly had chosen her over the seal that Wynonna had worked to protect. All Nicole could offer was the truth.

“I’m sorry she made the deal, for what it’s worth. “ Nicole kept staring at her wrist, the thin blue line that ruined everything.

“She told you?” Wynonna sounded a little surprised, the hint of a scoff present. No sound of footsteps, which she meant she was still at the doorway.

“Dolls did.” A small snort of irritation erupted from Wynonna. Nicole couldn’t imagine she was too pleased with how calmly Dolls was taking this. Abruptly, it felt deeply important to tell Wynonna that she didn’t as- that she didn’t wa- that she wouldn’t ha-

“My life isn’t worth the safety of this town.” is what she settled on. It was the clearest truth there was. A deputy puts herself at risk for her town, not the other way around.

“It isn’t worth the safety of your kid, either” Nicole finished, lifting her eyes up to look at Wynonna’s very pregnant belly. She couldn’t look at Wynonna’s face. Weird, really, given how many times she’d looked her in the eye and told her exactly what she thought. Wynonna had called it part of her “earnest cop schtick”.

Footsteps approached, and Nicole tensed up instinctively. Her fingers were still pressing into her injured wrist, and still there was no pain. There should be pain. There should be something other than a stupid blue line and a feeling of helplessness. She was still pressing, harder now, when she felt Wynonna’s hand replace hers.

Nicole let her, both arms going limp, and continued to stare at the angry blue scar. Wynonna’s thumb traced over the scar, more gently than Nicole had ever imagined her capable of.

“Yeah, well, Waverly thought it was worth it,” breathed out Wynonna, “so you better think twice before trying to choke out a demon again, okay?”

That was Wynonna. Ready to crack out the snark before you could say “too soon”. Nicole thought back to the night Willa and all those other girls from the cult showed up at the station, and how her niggling sense of curiosity couldn’t let the reappearance of the eldest Earp go. How, as the station grew dark and Nedley reminded her to lock up, she had gone into his office to look into files she had no business looking into.

Instead of reading up on Willa Earp, she had found herself reading Wynonna’s (fairly thick) file cover to cover. 8 foster homes, 1 mental hospital admission, 2 stints in juvie, etc. The part that stayed in her mind after all these months however, was at the very beginning of the file, a statement on 12 year old Wynonna.

_Witness claims the men who kidnapped her sister and attempted to do the same to her father are “demons”, who regularly return from “hell”. Witness shot her father in the head attempting to save him from these “demons”. Witness’s 6 year old sister corroborates the story, likely pressured. Recommend immediate admission of witness to St. Jude’s Psychiatric - she is a danger to herself and those around her._

It had infuriated her, made her look up the filing officer only to find that it was someone well dead and buried. She’d seen the way this town had failed Waverly - she’d never thought too hard about how badly it had failed Wynonna.

Somehow all of Wynonna’s jokes about being institutionalized instead of going to class had been a lot less funny, when Nicole had started imagining a 12 year old at St. Jude’s and not a 17 year old trying to get into juvie to be cool.

Wynonna’s joke about demon-choking not even a day after her own sister betrayed her felt about as humorous to Nicole. Yet, she thought, finally looking up at the half-smile on Wynonna’s face, she wasn’t about to ruin Wynonna’s day any further.

“Okay, Earp, I won’t. Strictly flying karate kicks from now.” Nicole did a mock salute with her other hand, or tried to anyway. Against her will, the hand flopped down on the bed. She frowned. Her hand had been listening to her earlier.

Wynonna’s hand jumped back from Nicole’s wrist, and she yelled out for a nurse before turning back to Nicole. “Haught, when’s the last thing you ate? You look even paler than normal.”

Nicole scrunched her face up, thinking hard. “I think Waverly brought me some fruit when I woke up?”

Wynonna rolled her eyes, throwing a wrapped donut in her pocket on the bed. “Have my pre-dinner snack, I gotta go yell at some nurses because this hospital has managed to get even shittier than I thought.”

She stomped out of the doorway, looking genuinely pissed. Nicole looked at the empty doorway amusedly for a few seconds before devouring the donut whole. It was utterly sinful - sugar filled, two layers of chocolate glaze, rainbow sprinkles. For the first time, she was grateful for how seriously Wynonna took her donuts.

For a blessed hour she completely forgot about everything that happened that day, as Wynonna and the nurse returned with a bunch of food. Hospital food, nonetheless, but Wynonna planted herself firmly in the plastic chair and said she’d keep coming up with “Haught” puns if Nicole didn’t finish all the food in front of her.

“Seriously, I’ve been holding back.” Wynonna smirked. “Now eat up.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and did so, but not before unthinkingly replying, “Wow, Wynonna, look at you. You’re already talking like a mom.”

Shit. That had to be a sore spot. However, Wynonna surprised her, looking down at her belly and patting it.

“Hear that buddy? My food-threatening powers are beyond compare, watch out,” snarked Wynonna. Nicole raised her eyebrows. “What? It freaks me out less if I talk to it.”

Nicole nodded through a mouthful of bland hospital porridge, finishing the rest of it as Wynonna told the story of how she and Doc had rescued Nedley from one of the widows. When Wynonna left, Nicole felt sated. At least Wynonna didn’t hold a grudge.

Almost as if the thought of one Earp summoned the other, her phone started buzzing. A video call from Waverly. She picked up the phone, holding it far away from her as she gazed at the screen. She...couldn’t talk to Waverly. Not now, not when Waverly’s choice still rattled around her head like a squash ball. Nicole was afraid of what she might say.

Her thumb easily slid to the red ‘X’, stilling her phone.

“Lawmen, all the same.” Doc’s voice floated through. From his vantage point, slouched against the door frame, he must have seen her reject the call. “You believe Waverly made the wrong choice, do you not?”

A torrent she didn’t know she was holding in was let out. “Wynonna was getting the anti-venom, she was standing in my room with no more than half an hour after I woke up, Waverly could’ve -”

“Waverly,” interrupted Doc, "did not know about our progress on the cure. Where the widows kept Nedley, we could not reach her, there was no…."

Here he paused, looking confused.

“Reception?” Nicole offered.

“Ah, yes, that.” Doc nodded. “She did not know, and all she was witnessing was someone she loved suffering. Dying.”

Nicole imagined the scenario in reverse. Waverly in pain, Nicole unable to help her. Doc took off his hat, bringing it to his chest as he continued. “I saw my mother die the same way. I would have made a deal with the devil to save her - and I did, to save myself.”

He glanced at his right hand, bereft of its ring. “Something real, _someone_ real? Is worth far more than any ideals one may subscribe to, I have found.”

He’d given up that ring for Wynonna’s sake, and didn’t seemed to fault Waverly for throwing away that sacrifice. Unlike Dolls’s closed calmness, Doc’s easy acceptance seemed tinged with understanding.

“Would you have done any differently in her position, Miss Haught? Truly?” Doc looked right at her, his eyes searching for something in her own, like he couldn’t understand an answer other than his own.

“I would have done the same, “ Nicole relents, noticing Doc’s body going slack a little at her answer, “but only if she wanted me to.”

He stiffens at that, tilting his head in an unspoken question.

Nicole smiled weakly at him. “I have to believe she wouldn’t ask that of me.”

Doc shook his head, returning his hat to his head. “Miss Haught, I do believe you are more similar to Wynonna than I previously thought.”

He slunk out of the doorway before Nicole could ask him exactly what he meant by that.  She let a breath out, looking for the remote to return her bed to a flat position. Visiting hours were over. No more awkward conversations tonight.

Nicole lay flat on the bed, listening to her own breaths in and out. She curled a hand into her hospital gown, laying it on her chest to feel the steady thumps of her heartbeat. She thought about the cost of each one - the incremental risk to the town, to her friends, to an unborn child already cursed, to Waverly. It had been Waverly’s choice, that tradeoff.

Nicole would have to live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed this.
> 
> You can find me at [jaggedwolf](http://jaggedwolf.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, where I'm always happy to talk my head off about Wynonna Earp.


End file.
